Is it possible to be so self-sufficient and independent as a single woman that being in a relationship would make you unhappy? Well, no.
You may have heard people throw this phrase around. And usually, they’re referring to women who seem to have it all together. They say these women are too independent. So much so that they probably won’t even know what to do with a man in their life.
Why is this theory wrong? Because it’s based on three main ideologies that have more holes than a block of cheese.
Basically, there’s this notion that as a human being, you’re simply one half a person and you need the ‘other’ half to complete you. So if you have it all figured out, you’re a ‘full’ human being and a couple cannot be made up of a human and a half. This is all kinds of stupid. No one is half a human being. Your goal shouldn’t be to be half a person. Your goal is to become a fully-formed, grown-ass woman. You should be able to figure things out for yourself. A single woman isn’t some one-legged creature that needs another leg to stand on. She’s her own person. A relationship is based on two complete people coming together to be one, not two halves becoming whole. Stop believing all that romance novel crap.
You need someone
A single woman has to need someone. So if it looks like she doesn’t, then she has no need for a relationship. Well, actually, nope. You should not be in a relationship because you need the other person. It’s a choice and not a necessity. In fact, needing someone before you can love them is actually quite dangerous. We’re all going to fall short of people’s expectations sometimes. So if he’s all you need, chances are you’ll fall when he does.
Financial stability equals independence
When people refer to women as being too independent, it’s usually because she is financially stable and successful. She probably pays her own rent, buys her own food and can afford whatever she needs. This is wrong for two reasons. For one thing, you can be rich without being independent. You can have all the money in the world and still rely on someone else to provide other things like security, validation and even happiness. For another, it’s also based on the fact that men believe the only thing they bring to the table is money. So when they see that you have it, they assume they are not needed, hence you’re too independent for them.
You go into a relationship because you choose to and you want to. Think about it, no one spends a lot of money on a delicious bowl of party jollof because they need to. They do so because they want to. Their belly would be filled with garri and groundnut. But if that party jollof is what they want, they create belly space for it, whether or not they are hungry. That’s what being in a relationship is. You create space for that person. He isn’t coming to fill some space that is already there. You both make adjustments to fit in each other’s lives, regardless of how independent you are.
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